The Adytum Sanctuary Label

The vineyard grew today by several more rows of wine grapes.  We are nearing 100 vines now, having started on this vineyard a year ago. While disasters currently ring the globe – wars, radiation, earthquakes, tsunamis… putting each grape scion into the hole, pouring in mycorrhizal fungi, which encourages good root development, is an act of faith in the future – a belief that we will celebrate each day, our life and our loves… Someone once said, "Life enriches the luxury of a 

Good Wine" and vice versa I would add.

Dry wood pushes down the western slope in regular sequence, measured off carefully before tamping it down hard and moving to the next spot to slip another scion in.  Soon we will put the structure in – end posts and connecting wire giving the foliage support to snake along. We will fertilize with fish emulsion later this spring. That sounds like fun….One day as we toast the fruit of our labor from a bottle with an Adytum Sanctuary label; we will realize it was worth every bit of backbreaking (and nose-holding) effort.

We have ten Venus, and a new grape for us called Schuyler-five -, and a block of Pinot Noir, my all time favorite. We have about forty Marchel Foch, five Glenora, Flame with its awesome fall foliage, Vanessa, Merlot and about ten miscellaneous ones. We thought we’d lost most of the vines in the harsh winter, but each firm tug found strong roots sunk deep into the heart of the land. The first year is for the roots, thus the administration of mycorrhizal fungi into the planting hole, the second for the vine, and the rest for training and fruiting. Grapevines are one of the most labor intensive, hands on crops there is, maybe “the” most. We will come to know each vine intimately, as a child and a life giving friend. We will train it with wisdom and skill and nurture it into great production that gives satisfaction to many.

It’s fitting that many of the biblical analogies are of Jesus as the vine and God as vinedresser of the vineyard- us.  We too require a lot of hands on care and training to bring us to potential. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser…Abide (live) in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” John 15.

Our potential as humans lies in the ability to be connected to Life, trusting God to flow through us to complete all the great plans that were set aside with our name on them when we were born.

The training and pruning of the young vines will reflect a great deal of skill and education on the part of the vinedresser, and much patience as well waiting years for the fruit to come. Grapes perform best on poor soil and under stressful situations. Give them too much water or fertilizer (comforts and ease) and all you get is leaf. Take them to their limit with what I’ll call “productive stress” and they will produce the best grapes possible.

When conditions are moist and fungus begins to attack the vine, powerful resveratrol rises in the rootstock to defend against the attack. The same increase occurs when the plants are close to dehydration as in Australian wine production or raised in cold, high altitudes like Argentina and Chile. When we drink wine that has been stressed with hard conditions we receive the life extending, healing benefit of the increased resveratrol.  Did you know that the first thing Noah did when his ark settled on dry land was to plant a vineyard. Remember how long he lived? And we’ve been planting them ever since. 

We worked today bent over on the slope of the hill, cold early spring rain pouring down our back and soaking us to the core, gloved hands heavy with mud and earthworms coming up in bundles with each shovelful. Our soil is living. We haven’t killed it with Round Up and other chemicals. 


Occasionally we run into a mole tunnel. Moles eat the earthworms – and the roots of tender young grapevines.  Later when we relocated some Crooked Willow trees to pots on the patio so the hummingbirds have a place nearby to perch between nectar sips at the feeder, we use the dirt mounds the moles have dug up. This soil, according to the Biodynamic Farming book I read, is of a higher quality having been exposed to the rain, the wind, the sun and the cosmic forces of stars, the moon and the radiation that emits from the heavenly bodies. Old time housewives would use this 
as “nature’s potting soil”.

Little chores fill the rest of the day, fixing the waterfall pump at the pond. The frogs have laid eggs in jellyfish-like balloons all along the cord and around the edges of the water. When hatched, they will help themselves to our slug community and finish up with mosquitos for dessert. There is so much life here – in the soil with thousands of microorganisms and above ground with the community of birds, insects, wildlife, and the dog pack, the old black cat called Kittyboy,  and of course, Adytum retreat guests. The land is living and all is as it should be. We respect the land and the large community that lives above and below it in turn helps us in a mutually respectful existence.

One of my favorite quotes explains it well:

"If there can be such a thing as instinctual memory, the consciousness of land and water must lie deeper in the core of us than any knowledge of our fellow beings. We were bred of the earth before we were born of our mothers. Once born, we can live without our mothers or our fathers or any other kin or friend, or even human love. We cannot live without the earth or apart from it, and something is shriveled in man’s heart when he turns away from it and concerns himself only with the affairs of men."

Marjorie Rawlings 

I have taken a vow, like the Benedictine monks and nuns, of stability – an agreement that I will live here forever and care for this place with reverence. I know Donn feels the same way. We are committed to these nearly sixteen acres of land we’ve been allowed to oversee, nurture and love and bond deeply with. We will be here until we die and our ashes spread where we walked out our lives, overlooking the indescribable lush beauty of the natural world around us where earth, water and sky meld into one.

Andy’s Angling Adventures Guided Fishing Expeditions at Adytum

The Cowlitz River winds below Adytum like a milky emerald snake, rich with minerals, making its way to Mayfield Lake. The Tilton, a softer blue is right behind it visible from the library on the third floor.  Ike Kinswa State Park divides the two rivers before they merge into Lake Mayfield. We kayak the Tilton and have caught 2’ long rainbow trout right off the kayak as they swarm in large schools. The local word is that the Tilton is overstocked, and we can vouch for that. The eagles hunt freely overhead and the water ouzels bob for their daily fare. It’s the ultimate Pacific Northwest experience.

Until now we’ve never ventured into the cold waters of the Cowlitz. That is about to change as we got a personal invitation to experience our first guided fishing trip with professional guide, Andy Coleman of Andy’s Angling Adventures (www.andysanglingadventures.com)  who was at Adytum today checking out the suites for his fishing clients and corporate groups. He has clients flying in from all over the US to experience the pristine waters of the great Pacific Northwest, and they never leave disappointed.

Andy, on the right,  fishes many different Northwest rivers including the Cowlitz, Lewis, Wynoochee, Columbia and the Chehalis. About 70% of his guiding trips are on the Cowlitz which is a few minutes from our door. He never drives more than half an hour to get into the water. We are in the heart of recreation country here. He tells me that we’re just getting into Spring Chinook season, and he’s invited Donn and I to experience a guided fishing trip- our first. When I got the courage to tell him we were vegetarian, Donn completely and myself eating fish a few times a month, he assured me that a lot of people enjoy the relaxation of catch and release. They come for the experience and the memory, to be in nature and to learn something new.

I shared my “first fish” story with Andy: age 10, cold mountain creek, cricket on the end of my pole impaled by my dad…me feeling concerned about the cricket having to hold his breath underwater so long… making sure I let him up to take a breath every now and then…and ending up with a 10” rainbow trout – the sacrificed cricket quite forgotten in the joy of the moment. I was hooked! Back then, I learned to clean what I caught. But now that I’ve gone all soft and don’t eat things with a face much, Andy said he’d handle it for me…and anyone else that doesn’t relish the idea. He will send us home with our filets ready to put on the grill but we will know our incredible skill and talent lured them out of their hidey holes at the irresistible enticement of our technique (:

We have a gas BBQ for guests at Adytum and the Orion Suite has a well-stocked kitchenette where a great Northwest meal can be created and enjoyed from the catch of the day. I wish I had known about Andy last summer when we hosted an environmental lawyer – a vegetarian, and his meat eating Veterinarian wife. They cancelled plans to see Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Rainier in favor of relaxing at Adytum. It seemed so right at the time. But the beauty of Andy’s Adventures is the lack of driving! Get up, get out, get poles in the water, get home and enjoy!

There is a whole list of fish for me to get to know that he’s quite familiar with: Winter Steelhead, Spring Chinook, Summer Steelhead, Fall Chinook and Coho “Silvers”. Since we are adamant about taking our fish oil for the Omega 3 fatty acids, I’m all for fresh caught fish in our clean rivers instead of the farmed fish at the box stores and especially fish with high Omega 3 profiles. Even the ocean going trout will have a good fatty acid balance that fits in well with our Mediterranean Diet at Adytum.

I asked him why an experienced fisherman would need him. He said that the difference in having a guide is not only knowing to the best spots to fish, but all the nuances of the river, timing the drift of the boat against the sure knowledge that fish are biting at a certain time of day. Having the wisdom to encourage guests to get their poles in the water all at once because that’s what fish love, and to hold on a little longer when he’s sure they will be biting if they just have the patience to wait. He’s been on every river since he was a small boy. He knows them like the back of his hand. He also mentioned he teaches the application of skill and technique and knows the best bait and equipment to use. Especially if you’re not from this area or not used to fishing, I can see how indispensible a guide is.

Andy has been guiding fishing parties since he was 21, ten years past now and is 4^th generation in the area.  He laughed when he told me about a recent bachelorette party with the bride to be in her wedding veil with her closest friends around her, all fishing and celebrating most likely with some champagne. What a memorable “out of the box” party! We have a bachelorette party scheduled this summer at Adytum and I will recommend that they consider adding a fishing expedition to their spa time/girls’ night out here. By the way the wedding party did well and caught a lot of big fish! Something to brag about to the guys back home…

He loves to teach novices as well as guide for established anglers and does annual guiding trips with larger corporations which require hiring another boat or two.  His riverboat allows 5, plus himself. He shared a story about guiding annually for a group of Texas oilmen who fish for Chinook and Coho and ship the filets back home to their wives on dry ice. It’s really expensive to ship it. We were laughing about the scene in Brokeback Mountain where the wife tied a note on the end of the fishing pole that never ended up seeing water…Busted! So even though the “evidence” cost more to ship home than the fish would have cost, they ponied up! No associations to the movie intended (:

All the gear is provided, the best bait and poles. So all that is needed is the right clothing, a lunch, drinks of choice, and a license which can be bought for the day at Smith and Sons Grocery in Mossyrock or the tackle shop. He guides for a full day starting before first light. He assured me that there are bathroom facilities at each boat ramp if the women don’t want to rough it and he has all the proper certifications and training should someone need help. I’d feel safe with him in any circumstance the unpredictable Pacific Northwest could throw at us! Andy’s easy going nature and professional, confident demeanor will blend well with any guest we’ve ever had at Adytum that wanted to combine a day in nature with the luxury of returning back in the evening to soak in the salt water hot tub and enjoy a glass of wine while the fresh caught fish cooks on the BBQ. Quintessential Northwest….Lewis and Clark. Sacajawea… I’ve clearly entered the fantasy zone…

Gardens!

The Pacific Northwest Garden Show and the one in Portland is this weekend. We will step into the fantasy world of gardens in full bloom in hopes of getting some food for the soul and inspiration for creating as well as practical education. After my friend gave me the book “One Magic Square” we’ve been more adamant than ever to provide more of our own food and to make compost bins that actually turn garbage into soil and not just food for nocturnal scavengers to go through.

We’ve built the castello Adytum, now it’s time to focus more on food production for us and our guests while also providing a little dirt therapy for guests that love to play in the garden. Each suite will have an herb and vegetable garden right outside the door to create an impromptu salad if they don’t want to go into town for lunch.

In “One Magic Square”, One Magic Square: The Easy, Organic Way to Grow Your Own Food on a 3-Foot Square, Lolo Houbein tells dramatic stories about her own near starvation experience in the last world war, ending up at 75 pounds. Supply lines were cut off and those that had land for gardening survived, those that didn’t have them didn’t fare so well. The wise had saved seeds from prior harvests, committed to growing their own food and had a few chickens for eggs and fertilizer. We too are thinking along those lines.

Monsanto is now responsible for 94 percent of all GM (genetically modified) seeds planted around the world. Houbein writes, “To have the world’s staple food crops narrowed to so few varieties, and to have ownership of practically all commercial seed for these major crops in the hands of one corporation is an unprecedented and frightening situation – especially when you know that this company is also developing the technology for terminator seeds.” Terminator seeds are genetically programmed against reproduction. Once their pollen mixes with crops they will endanger their seed producing capability. This is a disaster of major proportions.

I have enjoyed reading a book many times now called “Monastic Gardens” Monastic Gardensby Mick Hales. While not from the Catholic tradition ourselves, there are many things that we’re striving to recreate from the monastic lifestyle at Adytum. Hales describes the monks and nuns as “radiating an intrinsic happiness that most of us would envy” despite their monasteries being literally overwhelmed by visitors. Their happiness and ability to handle stress stem from their connection with the land and God. “We are striving for humility in our lives, to draw closer to our God. It is not an accident that the humus or the soil comes from the same word. It is the base from which everything grows. Gardening and my spiritual life go together.” They pray while they work and often on their knees for both activities so central to their lives at the monastery. There is no division at Adytum of work and spiritual life. Spirituality is not for the weekends alone.

We receive our life from the land, the soil, and the plants we nurture there by our careful attention. We receive our sustenance from God in the same way: by careful attention “attending to realities” breathing out our requests and thanks to God and receiving life for our spirit and soul in return from both in their own ways.

Adytum’s purpose is to create the surroundings to encourage living a life dedicated to spiritual development, deepening our connection with God, the land, ourselves and each other. It was interesting for me to discover in the Monastic Gardens book that a retreat house for guests was always built directly after the main chapel building. Early monasteries were expected to provide hospitality for those passing through, pilgrims on the way. They also provided havens where guests could come away from the world as well, to be silent, to think and meditate, to reconnect with nature, with God, with their own selves and the loved ones in life. That is the heart and soul of Adytum’s purpose and the feedback from guests is confirming that our intention, breathed aloud in the construction of this sanctuary, has been fulfilled. I have heard the word “reconnect” from guests over and over.

Additionally, the Benedictines Hales studied took a vow of stability with the land. They stay with one piece of land their whole lives. I love that concept reflecting commitment, care, nurture and enjoyment. Isn’t that exactly the element present in marriage and in our relationship with God and care of our own selves?

The Benedictines realize the importance of having a balance in life between the body, the soul and the mind. “Working with the plants, one gets to know their essence and understand that they are not just a commodity. The gardener becomes rooted to the ground, which is part of God’s creation…This is why we have to revere everything in the earth.” We agree a thousand percent. Monks hold respect for the soil as an essential element of God’s creation. Soil becomes us. We again become soil in the circle of life. Abe Lincoln said he was made of the field behind his house. Humbling… He also said that the footprint of the owner is the best manure. Footprints laid down in walking meditation and prayer, better still.

We have been dedicated to organic and green methods at Adytum from the beginning, unwilling to use chemicals, pesticides, herbicides or to pollute the ground water insofar as we’re able. Everywhere you dig on the nearly 16 acres will yield shovels full of earthworms. I can feel the life of the soil under my feet as I enjoy connecting with the land many times a day, regardless of the weather.

We have also, like the Benedictines, cultivated a profound awareness of the birds and animals that share this sacred mountain with us. This used to be called Birley Mountain. It was an impassable tangle of Himalayan Blackberries, Salmon berries and forest. We have slowly carved out pathways, preserving habitat with vegetation by steams and brush piles for birds, insects and small mammals to protect them from the ever present raptors.

We have gotten very clear direction about how to proceed with the management of the house and land here at Adytum. That direction just happens to align closely with the model set by the Benedictine community and we embrace it as a sustainable way of life for us, our guests and the land. We are cultivating a life on our knees, literally and on the knees of our heart as we seek to practice the presence of God here no matter what we’re engaged in or day of the week it is. There is no separation from us and God, or us and the land; we are all flowing harmoniously, feeding and being fed, nurturing and being nurtured, sustaining and being sustained in spirit, body and mind.

Quinoa, Food of Angels…

This recipe came my way when a good friend dropped off the February 2011 issue of Food and Wine for me to enjoy. Tucked deep inside was this amazing, beautiful dish and I knew it’d end up on the Adytum table for retreat guests to enjoy. This is such a healthy way to start the morning. We don’t waste time on foods that aren’t going to work for us, and quinoa is at the top of the list.

Quinoa is an ancient grain cultivated over 4000 years ago by the Incas who considered the crop to be sacred. It actually reminds me of the manna mentioned in the Bible, the “food of angels”…Today it is grown in the Andes Mountains of South America and contains more protein than any other grain, 12-18%. It has a complete amino acid profile like eggs, milk or meat which is important for vegetarians like us who like to get a lot of protein.

Quinoa has a very high nutrient density which puts it on our radar for “best foods to include” in our diet.  NASA thinks so too as it’s being considered as a crop in NASA’s Controlled Ecological Life Support System for long –duration manned space flights. Since we have gravitated toward foods that are “gluten free” it is one of the best replacement grains we could choose.  We feel great eating this way, even if we don’t “have to”! So many of our guests at Adytum are requesting gluten free now, so having a great breakfast alternative is a must for us.

Quinoa is rich in the minerals manganese, phosphorus, calcium, iron and selenium, B vitamins and vitamins A and E. It is light, airy and very easy to digest; it takes on the taste of what it is cooked with whether flavored broth or stirred into other dishes. What more could we ask for? Brown rice is great, but this is better. It could easily become a daily habit and all for the better.

I enjoyed this dish at breakfast this morning and decided to pull out the leftovers at dinner to pair with a hot Spinach Mushroom salad. It was excellent. I like the fact the quinoa will keep for several days in the refrigerator and can be stirred into the hot ingredients of choice later. I never follow recipes and my favorite Indian spice, Cardamom found its way into the recipe as well as using the regular Quinoa I had on hand versus the Red.  It only takes about 15 minutes to make it, so we can put it on when we wake and it’s ready to accompany the rest of our lunch as we head off to Medical Vision Center for the day. As a side note, for those with drooping lids that end up obscuring vision (for which surgery is required) we recommend manganese. This mineral supports tendon/ligament strength and tiny tendons are involved in proper eyelid function.  And,  I’d be willing to bet, it’s easy enough for a bachelor to make! Enjoy, and next time I’ll post the dinner version: Thai Coconut Quinoa. Outstanding with some black beans with a bit of chipotle…It reminded us of Jamaican cuisine…

Sweet Breakfast Quinoa

4 servings; 25 minutes

1 c red quinoa, rinsed

2 c water

1 T extra-virgin olive oil

¼ c slivered almonds

½ c dried apricots, cut into ½ - inch pieces

2 T pure maple syrup

½ tsp finely grated orange zest

½ tsp cinnamon

¼ c fresh ricotta

In a small saucepan, cover the quinoa with the water and bring to a boil. Cover and cook over low heat until the water has been absorbed and the quinoa is tender, about 15 minutes. Lightly fluff the quinoa with a fork and cover it again.

In a medium skillet, heat the olive oil. Add the almonds and cook over moderate heat, stirring a few times, until golden brown, about 2 minutes. Add the apricots, maple syrup, orange zest and cinnamon and stir well until heated through.

Add the quinoa to the skillet and stir gently to incorporate the almonds and apricots. Top each portion of quinoa with a tablespoon of ricotta and serve.

Make ahead: The quinoa can be made and refrigerated up to five days. Reheat as needed or serve cold.

One serving is 311 calories, 11 grams fat, 2 grams sat fat, 44 grams carbs, 4 grams fiber.

Sacred Work

One of the greatest pleasures and privileges in life is doing work that expresses our passion, talents and gifts. The most fortunate people on earth are those that, first of all, asked for their destiny calling to be revealed to them, and secondly, are able to work their unique calling.

This morning, I woke well before dawn in anticipation of making a spectacular breakfast for several guests who came to Adytum last night for Monday night football and then snowboarding today ~ guy’s night out, midweek. Donn and I have 5 sons/sons in law. Feeding them is so incredibly gratifying because they are so grateful. Even though several are phenomenal cooks themselves, you’d think they hadn’t eaten a decent meal in months. There are abundant compliments, lots of appreciative noises and of course no leftovers. They have proved to be part of the training for my destiny calling, teaching me to love waking early to make breakfast, and now for Adytum guests. It gives me tremendous satisfaction and pleasure to create abundant, healthy meals for others!

When my kids were growing up, we took a family vacation to the Paul Bunyan territory of Northern California. The breakfast we enjoyed, lumberjack style seated at long picnic tables, was enormous. I realized then that starting the day with seriously substantial food was something worth learning to cultivate. Now I know that healthy foods set the blood sugar regulation for the day and start the calories burning.

Even on days when we use Medical Foods Protein Shakes, or if guests request them, they are packed with extras like ground flaxseeds, brewer’s yeast, green drink powder, fiber powder and are blended with banana and frozen blueberries.  We’ve been using them for 16 years now and the anti- aging effects of these lifestyle choices are remarkable; definitely worth cultivating as a lifestyle…We have insurance and we never use it. Our blood pressure is that of a 10 year old. We take no prescription medicines. Our blood sugar level is great. We enjoy great health because we purposefully pursue it in our choices.

Taking responsibility for the foods that others eat has always been a weighty responsibility for me, one that I take seriously. The goodness of the Adytum table, the healthy dishes full of freshness and purity are the foundation of meals here. Creating tantalizing combinations of flavors, textures and giving the eye a visual feast is where great meals begin.

Having been trained as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, as a healer on natural levels, means that my food or healing therapies should first “do no harm”. I can’t imagine sacrificing the momentary pleasure of a high sugar, high fat meal just to please the uneducated palette of some, to knowing I have just inflicted harm on health. My conscience is clear that the foods guests and family are presented with are nourishing, healthful, beautiful and delicious. The food has integrity and it is cooked, as my East Indian son in law would say, with “the scent of the hands”- which is love.

In 1666, there was a monk named Brother Lawrence working the kitchens in the monastery. He became famous for one thing: practicing the presence of God while he worked among the pots and pans, chopping and preparing food. He didn’t divide his life up into worship and prayer times segmented into different scenarios. For Brother Lawrence, it was all work, all prayer, all worship and usually all at once.

In the early predawn hour when I am working in the Adytum kitchen, trying hard to be quiet so guests can sleep, I too am practicing the presence of God. I am praying over the days’ plans for those I am cooking for, asking for guidance, blessing and protection for them. I set the atmosphere in the house with softly spoken words asking for peace, love, joy, harmony and connecting at deep levels. And of course, the food is prayed over before it is set at the main table or carried up to their suites.

The fruit of all the extra steps that go into meals at Adytum is well worth every bit of effort and extra focus that it takes to create it. The results of consciously setting the atmosphere here is interesting…even the young adults who are usually set on “getting out there” to the mountain or the lake are always reluctant to leave. “It’s so relaxing; it’s hard to leave…” I hear this often. And often I watch their plans abandoned to simply following their heart’s desire to stay here for the day to relax, use the hot tub or saunas, to read, to rest…some choose to stay on another day and those who don’t always say they wish they had planned another day at Adytum.

Adytum is sacred space and I do my sacred work here.  I love the expression of my destiny calling: caring for others with love, integrity and creating space for healing on deep levels that go far beyond the body’s needs. The impact of the natural beauty all around, the 75 windows making it hard to define the line of inside/outside, the soft music inside, the water and bird music filling the air outside…the fresh, clean air and territorial views…the enormous sky filled with brilliant sunshine, misty clouds or star shine…Adytum meets deep needs in the human heart, mind and spirit.

To be able to do the work I love, that gives me such a sense of living a fulfilling life, is a rare privilege. To be able to combine it with writing and working with my soulmate at our Optometry clinic, offering Nutritional Therapy to those there…well, let’s just say it’s all a dream come true and the Castle Adytum is part of the fairytale of my life that I’m so happy to share with all who come to this magical destination…exalted space.

  .

The Christmas Machine and The Child of Wonder

Like the earthquake we endured only 3 miles from the epicenter this month here at Adytum, my heart was shaken hard yesterday as I tried running with the herds in the malls for a few wretched hours. I will take control of this Season of Light and let the shaking open the doors of my heart once again to sense the Wonder Child’s residing there, offering hope to the world and forgiveness for our failings. This is the Gift of the Season, no matter what ends up under the soaring Christmas tree in the Tower Room.

Thanksgiving has accomplished the majority of the goals of the season: the ingathering of family and friends after their diaspora of summer life. We kept the meal simple, time in the lovely Adytum kitchen to a minimum and lots of emphasis poring over old photos that showed how long we’ve all loved each other. It was rich and noble. Enduring.

The next day for the first time ever, my daughter and I tried joining with thousands of Black Friday shoppers at the mall while some brake work on her Honda was being done nearby.  What a jolt from the peaceful, deep time we’d just had at Adytum. The complete lack of parking, the flood of people, overwhelming scents in the shops, the red “sale” signage pasted everywhere seeking to manipulate shoppers into overspending for fear of missing a deal, the inability to walk a straight line at a decent pace…never again. My senses, my mind ,and my spirit were so effectively overwhelmed that it took a lot of time to recover from the experience. It left me frazzled and exhausted emotionally. Not only that, but it just felt wrong deep down. I walked out with nothing except some supplies for a box we were preparing for a solider and a sense that I was compromising my integrity and the vow to never do it again in this way.

Arriving back at the sanctuary of Adytum, seeing the lovely bright lights Donn draped over the little evergreens and around the entry were calming and full of hope as the darkness increases yet another month before the Solstice. Our dear friend left a tree in my absence at the entry; over 15’ tall, and we joked as we tried to drag it with all our power up the stairs and into the Tower Room. Wresting it into the special tree stand designed for enormous trees was risking our lives, literally for me at least. One wrong move and I’d be crushed under the weight of all the beauty and glory that resided in the tree plantation just hours before, as it had for the past 7 years preparing for this day.

How appropriate to live out the story that my spirit sensed in the city’s mall earlier by coming home to struggle with this Behemoth Christmas tree: life is full of fine lines and delicate balances. Ignore this and risk being crushed under the assumed glory and beauty of it all.  Later when I saw a humorous face book posting about entering this religious season where everyone seeks out the mall of their choice, instead of place of worship of their choice, it all fell into place…

This season I will not be consumed by the Christmas Machine with all its assumed glory and beauty that just ends up in percentage gains posted on the financial market boards post season. We have a large family and I’ve felt such a sense of responsibility making Christmas “happen” for everyone. Like a cloak I am shedding, I am not going to pick that up this false sense of responsibility again.

I’ve been known to be a late bloomer…Donn laughs and says, “You’re just now figuring all this out?”  He’s been on this journey longer than I and avoided the holiday crush long ago. I thought his avoidance was a “man thing” and took up the slack with renewed vigor not realizing I didn’t have to do it either. We will give the great gift of Christmas to ourselves this year. What’s good for us will be good for the rest of our family.

I will retreat into the simplicity, beauty and peace that will define the next month at Adytum. Instead of focusing on all the parties, gifts to yet buy, meals to plan and shopping to get those meals on the table, the focus will be on one thing:

The birth of the Christ Child, The Child of Wonder being born once again in our hearts. Taking our humble offer of room in our “inn” and turning it into a palace fit for the birth of a great King. The twelfth century Persian Sufi poet Rumi taught: “…only the unsayable, jeweled inner life matters.” In order to remain true to my matrix, the core values that make life meaningful, creating sacred space in this Adytum of my heart to know this Child of Wonder more fully is the emphasis and gift of the season.

The fresh, clean scent of the forest fills Adytum because of the spontaneous sharing of our friend. It is not the manufactured “Christmas in a Can” I was encouraged to pay for yesterday to create a Christmas ambiance here.  We are the fragrance of the Christ Child: our acts of love, generosity and kindness to man and nature, birds and beasts. And to our “selves” as we shed responsibilities that were never ours, but were foisted upon us by the makers of the Christmas machine. In the mall, there was nothing of the Child of Wonder to be found alive.

When Nietzsche declared God was dead it left man with the inability to cope with the need for forgiveness.  “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?”—Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125, tr. Walter Kaufmann

The simple birth of the Child of Wonder born anew in our hearts offers the answer to Nietzsche’s astute observation: we need this Child. We have allowed this season to assume the Behemoth proportions of a Christmas Machine designed to boost the national economy, to crush us under the weight of our frazzled nerves and destroy the fruit of everything that Thanksgiving achieved: the ingathering of friends and family, the increase of our love and the ties that bind us. To find the Child of Wonder and commune with Him in the beauty of our jeweled inner selves, to focus on looking out for the needs of others, whether man or beast, and the spontaneous giving that results; the joy in simple companionship and the gratitude that supersedes it all: This is Christmas.

The "Safe House" is Inside

We’ve put our heart, soul, time, energy and of course a lot of money into opening the sanctuary Adytum. Yet in the final analysis, our energy is best spent cultivating the things that endure, the inner life, the sanctuary of the human spirit and focusing on what we can control…

As the earth shifted under my feet at 7:42 this morning in a 4.2 magnitude earthquake, so my focus shifts back to the unshakable core of life: the strength of spirit, life’s true purpose and the things that will remain standing no matter what hits on the surface – faith, hope and love remain.

If the high winds of yesterday that toppled trees and left many without power, and earthquake this morning had reduced all our hard work of building Adytum to rubble in a moment’s time, it’s comforting to be assured that we would still inhabit the “safe house” of our spirit. We have our personal portable sanctuary well-tended and supplied with all the essentials of a happy, abundant life. Windstorms, earthquakes, fire and flood have no power to destroy the invisible.

Yesterday, the Pacific Northwest sun assured us of her presence for exactly three minutes out of the entire rain swept day, just before branding golden brilliance into the mountainside and sliding away. High winds immediately lashed out at dusk, throwing fir branches from nearby trees like arrows against this house of glass...75 windows at last count. Each November the trees hurl their wooden missiles at the glass, some sending entire branches to break in splinters on the roof. The force is so great that large limbs will be driven like stakes into the ground. A few nights of tree warfare and we were cured.

Yesterday Paul’s Tree Service arrived with their boom truck; a bucket and lift ready to transport them to the tree tops to cut “danger trees” down in segments with huge chainsaws. Grady and Paul guided the precise direction of the fall with strong wires, roping in Donn and Pablo to pull with them on the hardest trees where the chance of real damage to existing structures was the greatest. There is a real art to dropping a tree. They all did a great job; I took pictures from a safe distance.

Danger trees…a new word learned since building here four years ago. Basically there is a fine line between forest land conservation and responsible homeownership. As newbies, we erred on the line of conservation, leaving far too many trees close to the house in our early initiation. Now we have to face the fact that our decision leaves us, our guests and Adytum in danger, and we spent dearly to fix the problem after the fact.

Paul cut about half a dozen trees down, some small but deadly snags aptly called “widow makers”; brittle old trees growing up inside established trees, or dead limbs hung up in live branches waiting to make their fatal impaling earthbound exit. A tall tree of small girth, we learned, can shatter high above unexpectedly sending shards or the entire tree down with deadly impact on unsuspecting souls beneath even in windless conditions. The work was complete just before the high winds arrived last night.

Today I prepared to clean up all the bits and pieces of last night’s windstorm off the decks, patios and porches when Adytum endured yet another blast – a 4.2 magnitude earthquake with the epicenter just three miles east of us. Maybe the proximity to the epicenter is why it registered with us as an underground explosion rather than the usual rock and roll we’ve all endured. Standing in the Tower Room with glass going about 30 feet up all around, watching it act like it was about to explode into the room…then at the last possible second return to normal was terrifying. Things that are solid are supposed to be solid! What an illusion the notion of any kind of stability is in today’s world is…the financial markets are excellent recent example. The usual “shake and sway” never manifested and we were left in those initial minutes trying to determine if our natural gas line into the house had exploded underground. The news verified the quake minutes later.

Adytum’s construction is sound and true thanks to the careful craftsmanship of Elite Builders, NW – our son’s construction company. I thanked him for that when I called to let him know all was well at Adytum. We’ve watched this castle house survive the tremendous windstorms every November without flinching: like a lighthouse taking a battering from the sea Adytum remains after the intensity has swept over her. Now being nearly on top of the epicenter of a significant earthquake and absorbing the shock with a determined grace, Adytum still stands strong, an example for those of us who read something into everything. Grace under pressure, Kennedy once remarked…

The quake preceded by the terrific force of the wind last night has left a plaque lying face down on the courtyard outside. Putting it back on the wall, Dante’s words read, “Nature is the art of God”. Sounds so sweet… The beautiful sunsets we enjoy at “happy hour” where the skies celebrate day's end in explosions of pure color are a love gift. But there is a flipside to this artistry: the terrible majesty of November’s storms, blowing in off Lake Mayfield to batter against this glass house with torrents of wind driven rain and hail. Ancient fir near the house bending like California palm trees with the gale, shored up by our prayers that they stand firm and spare the house. Now the occasional shifting of middle earth, letting pent up pressure off in an explosion of terrific force. Inside we enjoy nature’s art in peace and safety.

Adytum is built on solid rock. Still the cleansing winds and the convulsive shockwave of the earth beneath my feet remind me that everything I see can change instantly; be leveled or worse. There is destructive power in the art of God as well as artistry that feeds our souls night after night in the moments before dusk. Nature is part tender lover, part terrible majesty.  Rumi reminds me where to invest time, energy and focus, “World power means nothing. Only the unsayable, jeweled inner life matters.”

Just as we had to find the fine line between forest conservation and responsible home ownership, so our outward focus must find the fine line balance between being caught up in creating our dreams on the earth and creating our “jeweled” inner sanctuary while we still have the breath it takes to do it. It’s all we can be sure of in today’s shifting world.